a new day

It is a new day, factually and metaphorically. I am getting feedback from families who have adopted - parents, children and even grandparents. By no means do I feel as if I speak for all adopted children, but many adopted children do share similar traits as well and similar emotions, especially children who are adopted at an older age. If this blog helps people feel a common belonging or helps adoptive families have greater understanding of each other it will be well worth the tears shed when writing it.

I feel lighter emotionally today, lighter than I have felt in years. It is from mentally letting go and acknowledging the losses and loneliness. By acknowledging these emotions I have also given myself the freedom to look at the love from my adoptive family and not feel guilty.

Why would an adoptive person feel guilty for loving the family that adopted him/her? It is as simple and complex as feeling unworthy. I constantly think "Why me?". Why was I adopted? I was not loved by my birth mother. I was not loved by my foster parents, at least not enough to be adopted. Also, remember I had one adoption fail. Why would a family love me? Will they stop loving me? I have to be prepared for that possibility, so when it happens I am strong. This is a common trait with children adopted from a state system. These are children who have been taken or tossed away, both traumatic. There is immense research on this now....not so much in 1980's. This will be discussed in a different blog.

My adoptive parents did not know how damaged I was and I didn't know how to express this to them. We all were blind and walked through it as best as we could, and my mom and I (my father passed away 2 years ago) continue to navigate this family as best as we can.

I, For my part, am going to work on trusting in my family's love for me and begin the process of not looking for the metaphorical shoe to drop. I won't lie and say I am going to stop right away. This would not be genuine. One can't erase cognitive thinking errors overnight, especially when a person is an adult (it takes longer to change).

If you have or are in the process of adopting a child please understand the fragility of the soul you are adding to your life. The soul is wounded and may be afraid to show you and may be waiting for you to give up, and will react to EVERYTHING. Emotion coaching is very helpful to navigate this - just a helpful parenting tip!

Sick, twisted Joke of the day: what do you call either a red-headed stepchild or red-headed foster child? Answer: me! Get it? I am a red-head and was both a step-child and foster child! The horrible jokes I endured! I also was in campfire girls - joke "Why did Angie join Campfire girls? They needed a fire!". :)