Do's and Don'ts of parenting an adopted child

I don't know if anyone will want to read this, but I hope some do - I know I am not alone in the world of foster children and adoption. I am 38 years old and am just now beginning this journey of healing and understanding. I find myself looking at my children and aching at the pain my biological parents caused me, not understanding how adults can hurt innocence and irreparably change a human destiny. This blog is meant to cleanse my soul and help others, if possible.

Now, to the advice for people who are looking at adopting a child from a state system:

1. Do not buy a suitcase for the child as a first gift - this could be seen as giving them the necessary equipment to leave again. - Yes, this was my first gift from my adoptive family

2. Do not buy them clothing, bedroom decorations in a gender specific color - pink for girls - blue for boys - Yes, my mother bought pink everything for me when I was adopted @ the age of 12 years old!!

3. Do not ask the child to immediately call you mom and dad. Thankfully, this did not happen to me. It took me a year to call my parents mom and dad.

4. Do not ignore the biological family, and questions the child may have (depending on the age of the child of course).

5. Do ensure the whole family has input before adopting a child. -not so much in my family, blended family +adult children/grandchildren=not so happy get together's with parents and me

6. Do NOT have family birthday parties and forget to include the adopted child when the child has grown up! - Yes, unfortunately more times than I can count

7. Do not introduce the adopted child as "my adopted child"! This does not help with feelings of togetherness.
Editor's Note - I love my family and want them to know this is not negative feedback for my family, we are only human.