new cousins
Sunday, August 1, 2010
We were kids - my brothers title to our story
I spoke to my brothers yesterday and when I hung up late in the evening I could not sleep and I could not talk. I was stuck in a world of memories, horrible memories and I had a panic attack. I haven't had one in years. It was not as bad as it used to be due to my utilization of relaxation and visualization techniques, and I was able to work through it. As I was breathing slowly i realized if it is like this for me what is it like for my older siblings who endured more abuse and had more cognitive awareness of the evil and sickness we lived in? That took my breath away again!
I also learned that my memories of those years are real. I was never sure and it is infinitely worse to know the truth of them. It was easier to have some denial of reality. This fear, I believe, is what has kept us apart for 20+ years - the depth of the pain and trauma. How could adults have done these things to children? How could a community ignore the obvious cancerous behaviors? They were not hidden. I now have more understanding into the reasons why my cries for help were ignored. I also can not ignore this truth - we are blessed to be alive. I knew the reason we were removed was due to my grandfather and his belief that we were in jeopardy of being killed. We were. It was all true. Pieces of the puzzle are starting to fall into place.
I know I can handle this now - one puzzle piece at a time. I also was able to share for the first time in my life a few traumatic events with my husband. These events are not for the faint-hearted and he listened. He didn't judge or hate me. He loved me. He has anger and disgust for the adults and was able to express understanding because.....we were kids! I was always terrified to share some things I endured or witnessed because I felt it made me damaged goods. If I couldn't handle them, how couuld I expect another person to handle it?
I am damaged. This doesn't mean I am bad or sick or unworthy. I need to let go of that fear and hold my head up high. We were kids! Nothing we did was wrong. We survived. I am now trying to forgive my abusers, not for them, for me. I deserve this peace. I will not publicly say their names - they know who they are. I will work on erasing the negative impact they have had on my life and find positivity instead. I am a better human being by walking through this hell. This is my light at the end of the tunnel.
My siblings are beautiful people created by God. Below are 10 signs of child abuse and information on reporting nationwide from The Angel Rock Project:
10 Signs of Child Abuse
1. Unexplained injuries.
Visible signs of physical abuse may include unexplained burns or bruises in the shape of objects. You may also hear unconvincing explanations of a child’s injuries.
2. Changes in behavior.
Abuse can lead to many changes in a child’s behavior. Abused children often appear scared, anxious, depressed, withdrawn or overly aggressive.
3. Age-inappropriate behaviors.
Abused children may display age-inappropriate behaviors, e.g., for older children: thumb-sucking, bed-wetting or fear of the dark.
4. Fear of going home.
Abused children may express apprehension or anxiety about leaving school or about going places with the person who is abusing them.
5. Changes in eating.
The stress, fear and anxiety caused by abuse can lead to changes in a child’s eating behaviors,which may result in weight gain or weight loss.
6. Changes in sleeping.
Abused children may have frequent nightmares or may appear tired or fatigued.
7. Changes in school performance and attendance.
Abused children may have difficulty concentrating and have excessive absences, sometimes due to adults trying to hide the children’s injuries from authorities.
8. Lack of personal care or hygiene.
Abused and neglected children may appear uncared for and may be wearing unsuitable clothing for the weather.
9. Risk-taking behaviors.
Young people who are being abused may engage in illegal activities such as using drugs or alcohol or carrying a weapon.
10. Inappropriate sexual behaviors.
Children who have been sexually abused may exhibit overly sexualized behavior or use explicit sexual language.
Some signs that a child is experiencing violence or abuse are more obvious than others. Trust your instincts. Suspected abuse is enough of a reason to contact the authorities. You do not need proof.
IF YOU SUSPECT A CHILD has been abused...
DO Keep calm.
Believe the child.
Show interest and concern.
Take action. It can save a child’s life.
DON'T Panic or overreact.
Pressure the child.
Confront the offender.
Blame the child.
Overwhelm the child with questions.
How to Report Suspected Child Maltreatment
Anyone can report suspected child abuse or neglect. Reporting abuse or neglect can protect a child and get help for a family—it may even save a child's life.
If you suspect a child is in danger, call 911 or The National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-4-A-CHILD
The Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
The Hotline counselors are there 365 days a year to help kids, and adults who are worried about kids they suspect are being abused or neglected. You can call this number if you live in the United States, Canada, Puerto Rico, Guam or the U.S. Virgin Islands.
I also learned that my memories of those years are real. I was never sure and it is infinitely worse to know the truth of them. It was easier to have some denial of reality. This fear, I believe, is what has kept us apart for 20+ years - the depth of the pain and trauma. How could adults have done these things to children? How could a community ignore the obvious cancerous behaviors? They were not hidden. I now have more understanding into the reasons why my cries for help were ignored. I also can not ignore this truth - we are blessed to be alive. I knew the reason we were removed was due to my grandfather and his belief that we were in jeopardy of being killed. We were. It was all true. Pieces of the puzzle are starting to fall into place.
I know I can handle this now - one puzzle piece at a time. I also was able to share for the first time in my life a few traumatic events with my husband. These events are not for the faint-hearted and he listened. He didn't judge or hate me. He loved me. He has anger and disgust for the adults and was able to express understanding because.....we were kids! I was always terrified to share some things I endured or witnessed because I felt it made me damaged goods. If I couldn't handle them, how couuld I expect another person to handle it?
I am damaged. This doesn't mean I am bad or sick or unworthy. I need to let go of that fear and hold my head up high. We were kids! Nothing we did was wrong. We survived. I am now trying to forgive my abusers, not for them, for me. I deserve this peace. I will not publicly say their names - they know who they are. I will work on erasing the negative impact they have had on my life and find positivity instead. I am a better human being by walking through this hell. This is my light at the end of the tunnel.
My siblings are beautiful people created by God. Below are 10 signs of child abuse and information on reporting nationwide from The Angel Rock Project:
10 Signs of Child Abuse
1. Unexplained injuries.
Visible signs of physical abuse may include unexplained burns or bruises in the shape of objects. You may also hear unconvincing explanations of a child’s injuries.
2. Changes in behavior.
Abuse can lead to many changes in a child’s behavior. Abused children often appear scared, anxious, depressed, withdrawn or overly aggressive.
3. Age-inappropriate behaviors.
Abused children may display age-inappropriate behaviors, e.g., for older children: thumb-sucking, bed-wetting or fear of the dark.
4. Fear of going home.
Abused children may express apprehension or anxiety about leaving school or about going places with the person who is abusing them.
5. Changes in eating.
The stress, fear and anxiety caused by abuse can lead to changes in a child’s eating behaviors,which may result in weight gain or weight loss.
6. Changes in sleeping.
Abused children may have frequent nightmares or may appear tired or fatigued.
7. Changes in school performance and attendance.
Abused children may have difficulty concentrating and have excessive absences, sometimes due to adults trying to hide the children’s injuries from authorities.
8. Lack of personal care or hygiene.
Abused and neglected children may appear uncared for and may be wearing unsuitable clothing for the weather.
9. Risk-taking behaviors.
Young people who are being abused may engage in illegal activities such as using drugs or alcohol or carrying a weapon.
10. Inappropriate sexual behaviors.
Children who have been sexually abused may exhibit overly sexualized behavior or use explicit sexual language.
Some signs that a child is experiencing violence or abuse are more obvious than others. Trust your instincts. Suspected abuse is enough of a reason to contact the authorities. You do not need proof.
IF YOU SUSPECT A CHILD has been abused...
DO Keep calm.
Believe the child.
Show interest and concern.
Take action. It can save a child’s life.
DON'T Panic or overreact.
Pressure the child.
Confront the offender.
Blame the child.
Overwhelm the child with questions.
How to Report Suspected Child Maltreatment
Anyone can report suspected child abuse or neglect. Reporting abuse or neglect can protect a child and get help for a family—it may even save a child's life.
If you suspect a child is in danger, call 911 or The National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-4-A-CHILD
The Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
The Hotline counselors are there 365 days a year to help kids, and adults who are worried about kids they suspect are being abused or neglected. You can call this number if you live in the United States, Canada, Puerto Rico, Guam or the U.S. Virgin Islands.
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