My mom has been reading my blog. I was nervous initially; and I am sure at times my blog is difficult for her to read. At the same time, it has created a wonderful dialogue between us. My mom has become a catalyst for me. She encourages me to follow-through with finding my biological family. I am terrified and find this debilitating. What if my father is dead? What if I find him and he wants nothing to do with me? My mom is giving me the encouragement to find the closure I need - even if the outcome is not pleasant, it still will give some peace.
A good friend of mine sent me an e-mail talking about her biological father and his comings and goings in her life and how while she was not in foster care she has had similar losses - she has empathy due to these losses. This has helped me step outside of myself further. While in my education I understood how all humans have pain it is only now I am truly empathizing with others, due to truly HEARING the other person.
I am 38 years old and feel as if I am just learning to emotionally walk and emotionally see people and things in a more open and honest manner. I have so little memories from my childhood. I find my high school memories are also vague - I lived my life in my head and have missed so much in return. My childhood caused this but I will not allow it to continue into more of my adult life.
It is amazing what this blog continues to cause - the ripple effect astounds me at times..... These are only words - heartfelt words but words nonetheless. I thought when I started this blog it would be for me and maybe other adopted children. I was going to use this blog to simply explain the impacts foster care and adoption has on a human. I didn't expect to learn so much and for that I thank everyone who reads my blog. You are teaching me to be a better human being and to embrace each and every day - even the rainy days!
My life after adoption continues to be a roller-coaster and continues to bring new challenges and I will continue the roller-coaster blog with you. I am contacting the state tomorrow to request my records from my years in foster care - wish me luck and I will keep you posted!
joke of the day courtesy of my 9 y.o. son:
What falls frequently and never gets hurt? -snow flakes
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